i know i should seriously get over this ocip thing.
but i can’t!
somehow i always find it hard to accept things that were already set in place, already decided, but then suddenly changed overnight. then the “if onlys” and “what ifs” would come. if only they didnt cancel the tickets, we would have been able to make other arrangements, even if we end up mugging for 12 days in cambodia i also wont feel so bu shuang. if only MOE had made their decision 1 week later, we would already have been in Cambodia. if only the sch had really cancelled the trip since the orange alert, we would have dedicated less heart and soul into this, and would not be feeling withdrawal symptoms ):
i know i should move on, stop thinking about what ifs and if onlys. it’s easy to say such things, but so much harder to keep to them. i cant bring myself to go do the damn geog independent review cos i cant take my mind off the cancellation of the trip. how i was feeling hopeful that we might be able to change it from a school trip to individual trips, or even just going there to holiday. but with the cancellation of tickets, nothing can be done.
the worst thing is i’m wasting my parents money. how much money they have spent on me since sec 1 (more than both of my siblings tgt i guess), enrichment fees, micellaneous fees in NY, overseas trips to bangalore for RCIP and OBS in sec 3, taiwan immersion in sec 4… at least i learnt things, made new friends, enjoyed myself, while my siblings and family stayed in singapore and watch me have fun. the last time my siblings went overseas (other than to malaysia) was to taiwan, 7 years ago. and i’ve been spending all these money, thousands of dollars going overseas. now that i see that the trip is subsidized to $200+, i thought that finally i could go on a trip that wouldn’t make me feel too guilty, and they cancel it. refund? not sure. so the $200+ would go down the drain. and then there’s japan trip end of year, and i still wanna go ocip. that would be another $1000 or so. i must really return all of these to my parents, they always allowed me to go on trips, telling me to go where i want to go, not to focus so much about the price, even if they may not have so much money to spare. ok daddy mummy though i always explode my sms bills i actually do feel bad for that ok, and i feel bad for spending so much money too ): i shall repay all of these when i grow up (:
i’ve always believed that one should do what he/she wants, so that they wouldnt regret it. like why i ran for council. though i didnt get in, i knew that i wouldn’t regret from not trying. like how i sometimes regret when i see chinese dances, and think if i’d continued in NY, where would i be now? i guess i still have a small passion for dance somewhere inside me, but it’s too late to continue dancing. but i never once thought “what if i had studied harder and mugged my ass off in NY, where would i be now?” bcos i didnt regret the fun and slacking i had in NY, and if i had mugged my ass off nothing much memorable would have come out of my sec sch education, i probably would have gone for some sci attachment for EOY prog and would not have met my bangalore teammates, would not have had such a great time in taiwan, would have joined some mugger cca in HC and not met my soccer teammates, etc etc and the list goes on.
many times we wish for things to happen. many times the things we wish for don’t happen. people move on. some people take more time, some people take less time. i guess i’ll keep thinking about it till sunday, then i’ll be thinking “i should have been at the airport”, “i should have been in cambodia”, etc etc. well what to do? that’s just me. i harp on things. the reason why i managed to get over council was because i already prepared myself since i started preparing for the campaigning. but this, this is really very sudden. like out of nowhere, suddenly all school trips cancelled. not much increase in terms of severity, just that japan is quite badly affected but it has been badly affected since like 2 weeks ago? why the decision now? 5 days before our departure? thanks man, that really helped.
i hate how i’m emoing and complaining and whining about this. i might not post this after all. i have no idea.
i think i may appear to be fine, but actually i just keep things to myself ):
ok yunghian, buck up and move on! at least till fri then you can emo your june hols away! there’s still geog independent review and geog DRQ test on fri!
! marks not working. no motivation. haven’t been seeing my motivation around for the past 2 days ):
i shall not waste my june hols slacking. i shall wake up at 10am the latest. i will only go out for 7 days to play/slack, no more than that. i will only watch 1 hour of kgot boda namja every day, no more than that. i will complete all my tutorials (or redo them). i will file all my notes. i will not pon math remedial tmr though i dont feel like going and dont think it’s useful.
lastly and most importantly: i shall stop emoing. i hate emoing.
